Dear Dr. Verne:
I'm gonna be gittin' a tattoo removed from my most womanly bod. Being of the good redneck breeding that I'm is, I's worried about affectin' my good standing. I can offer you no better reason than my old man don't like me having my ex-old man's name writ on me, so I'ms getting rid of it.
Verne, please tell me straight: Am I getting woosified? Or should I replace the tattoo with his name?
- Worried in Des Moines
It all depends on which kinda tattoo you got. Now if you got the ex's name with the old rose on the ankle or the heart on the boob, I'd lose the damn thing. Ever since them sorority chicks named Tiffany started doing it, guys might figure you's an inferior yuppie babe which talks in that high chipmunk voice and you'll never get to growing your butt out to a decent size.
But if you got one of them giant serpents that covers your back, that's class. I'd keep that baby and just cross out the ex's name with some spray paint and more...
Neville, Daniel and Rhonda are floating in a life boat after their ship had sunk in the Atlantic. Neville sits up and looks about. He sees an island on the horizon, but can't believe his eyes. After conferring w/ the other two, they decide that there is no such thing as group hallucination and paddle toward the island.
They have not been on the island long when it begins to rain. This is another miracle, and the three believe that God is w/ them.
The following day, early in the morning, Rhonda starts screaming and wakes the other two. "It's a ship, it's a ship!" cries she.
The other two rise from their somnulescent posture and look. Sure enough, there is a ship on the horizon.
"We're saved, we're saved!" cry they, and begin to dance around in circles. As the ship comes closer, Daniel peers to catch the name on the starboard side: "The Titanic" he reads out slowly.