Returns Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
    The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."
    The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"
    The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."
    The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"
    He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're more...

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

    The Indian Chief proclaims,

    "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

    "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"

    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

    Silver is brought more...

    A competition

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    There is a competition going on to see, who can milk a cow, the best. The competitors are given a bucket each and sent to separate rooms, where they could milk their respective cows. One who has the largest volume of milk in the bucket is obviously, the winner.A surd is among the competitors, and is the favorite for the win.
    After the stipulated time, each participant returns with his bucket, some have milked 2 litres, some have 3, some 4 and so on. Finally, our Surd returns, fuming and exhausted, and guess what, his bucket contains just

    There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic evangelist. He unburdened his soul to him, and he promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy.
    The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a demonstration. Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch."
    Instantly the dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns. The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet.
    "Roll over," and the dog rolls over. By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can have a go.
    "Sure," replies the evangelist.
    "Heel," says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the man and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..."

    A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

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