Requirements Jokes

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    Deranged Marriage

    Hot 6 years ago

    "What are you doing today, oh mother of my children?" queries papa ji. "Well," replies mum ji, "I think I'll get some chores out of the way, like marrying off your son!" "What a great idea." agrees dad. "You do that while I wash the cars!"

    And so the wheels of the' marriage machine' are set in motion. Once moving anyone wishing to stop them is simply steam rolled over! Before long an unsuspecting couple find that it has carried them all the way to the temple. Accompanied by a million voices commanding their every move, they sit cross legged in total bewilderment wondering which order to obey first.



    Evolution of the arranged marriage actually starts as soon as the grades have been achieved, the job secured and the Ford Mondeo acquired. For then, life for the single Asian suddenly shifts into the "eligible" gear. Not only do mum and dad treat you like a prize poodle at Crufts but family more...

    A prominent biogeneticist is conducting advanced research on the similarities between primates and humans. After a decade of preparation, he is now ready for his most daring experiment to date: the mating of a human with a gorilla.
    Having spent years searching for the proper gorilla, he finally selects a supple simian from the San Diego Zoo. Finding the human partner, however, will be more difficult. First, he designs an extensive and detailed forty-page questionnaire. Next, he places a classified ad in the New York Review of Books: "Wanted: Single White male, between 25 and 27 years of age, with a Master's degree, non-smoker, who loves Mozart, animals and long walks on the beach, to impregnate a female gorilla. Stipend: $300."
    To his delight, the researcher receives over two hundred letters, and promptly sends a copy of the questionnaire to each of the respondents. Over 90 percent of the questionnaires are returned, but only one applicant fulfills all the more...

    An editor is someone who has earned enough points to "unlock" certain features of the website. Editors have certain degrees of ability to modify the jokes on this website. Here is a list of the requirements and privileges given to those who meet the requirements. You do not need to ask to become an editor. If you meet the requirements you automatically have those privileges.(Note: You may not get those privileges if you exhibit bad behavior toward the website.)
    Level 0: (100 Points) You can report and verify duplicate jokes.
    Level 1: (500 Points) You can suggest and verify corrections to jokes in order to improve spelling, grammar and other errors.
    Level 2: (1000 Points) Your votes on jokes count as double (but you still only get 1 point for a vote)
    Level 3: (4000 Points) Your votes on jokes count as triple (but you still only get 1 point for a vote)

    Bidding - Additional Requirements
    Section 1A - The Truth
    The requirements of Division 01 and of those documents under bidding
    requirements and conditions of the contract and anything else we don't
    think looks good here is null and void. If you know what's good for
    you, you'd read this real close (meaning the contractor).
    1.1 The work we did is clearly showed in the attached plans and
    specifications. Our engineer, whose had plenty of college, spent one
    hell of a lot of time when he drawed up these here plans and
    specifications, but nobody can think of everything.
    Once your bid is in - that's it, brother. From then on, anything
    wanted by our engineer, or any of his friends, or anybody else (except
    the contractor) shall be considered as showed, specified or implied
    and shall be provided by the contractor without no expense to nobody,
    but himself (meaning the contractor).
    1.2 If the work is did without no expense to the more...

    Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
    Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
    The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
    The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom 98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).
    A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive 98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the more...

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