Refrigerator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Nov 28, 2005
Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
appliances and the security system. Everything runs
off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
Nov 30
Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
Dec 3
Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
everything. more...

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

Are you management material? Do you have what it takes to be an effective manager in corporate America?
Take this quiz and find out. The brief quiz below includes four questions and indicates whether you are qualified to be a manager in your employer's company. The questions are not that difficult.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, insert the giraffe, and close the door.
(This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.)
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, insert the elephant, and close the door.
(This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.)
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct more...

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: 1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Q: What are the three words women hate to hear when they are enjoying great sex?
A: "Honey! I'm home!"
Q: Why is a man just like a dog?
A: 1) Both have irrational fears of vacuum cleaners.
2) Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
3) Both are suspicious of the postman.

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop.
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral.
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Any More!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink.
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: more...

How do you know if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? There will be lipstick on the cucumber.

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem," said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I more...