Reception Jokes / Recent Jokes

Prelim explanation:
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best more...

An officer in the U. S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U. S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.
The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German."
The group became silent.

Top Ten Signs You're At A Redneck Wedding
10. Rehersial Dinner is held at Hooter's
9. Instead of "Friends of the bride or friends of the groom," the ushers ask, "Ford or Chevy?"
8. Bridesmaids pick tube tops, Bridegrooms choose Travis Tritt T-shirts.
7. Phrase, "I do" replaced by "I heard that".
6. Tender rendition of the Wedding song performed by Cledus T. Judd.
5. The Minister asks, "Who giveth this woman to be married?" and some guy in the back of the church stands up and yells, " Earnhardt!"
4. Reception Conversation includes, "So what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsay
3. Snack Trays at the reception: Vienna Sasuages and Nacho Cheese Doritoes.
2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show
And the #1 Sign that you are at a redneck wedding...
1. Sign at the front of the Church reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no problem!"

Ever wondered what heaven looks like?
Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd. Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, more...

10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters

9. Instead of "friends of the bride or friends of the groom," ushers ask "Ford or Chevy?"

8. Bridesmaids -- pink tube tops; bridegrooms -- Travis Tritt T-shirts

7. Phrase "I do" replaced by "I heard that"

6. Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" performed by Pinkard & Bowden

5. When minister asks "who giveth this woman to be married," some guy in the back stands up and hollers, "Earnhardt!"

4. Reception conversation includes the phrase, "So what have you been doing since' Hee Haw,' Mr. Lindsay?"

3. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and nacho cheese Doritos

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the "Monster Truck Show"

1. Sign in front of the church: No shirt... No shoes... No problem