Recently Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Ann Landers,
I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy.
My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.
My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana, distribution of Cocaine, as well as Heroin.
They are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.
I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being
held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a
part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.
We intend more...
A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasnt a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
A recently deposed Eastern potentate (who shall remain unnamed) was known for his prowess in the harem-often entertaining no less than a dozen wives per night. Shorn of his crown and possessions, he was seeking employment and was overjoyed when an American theatrical agent signed him up to perform these same feats at certain choice and private showings. The contract was signed, bookings were scheduled and twelve delectable beauties hired for the premiere. The box-office was sold out. The audience waited eagerly, for they had paid ten dollars per ticket to see the fabulous potentate. A symphony orchestra struck up an overture, the lights dimmed, the curtains parted and the dozen lovelies were revealed, reclining on couches. The potentate stepped briskly out from the wings, bowed to the audience, then proceeded. Naturally, after such a build-up, the audience was disappointed when the great man fell flat on his face after taking pleasure with only four of the beauties. They howled for more...
Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? Santa said, Send her some flowers and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal. Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman. The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal. Banta, It was a flop idea. Santa, Didn’t the girl come to your house? Banta, She did, but she refused to cook!
I recently tried some of these new' flavoured' condoms. I bought one of each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavour i was wearing. The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavour", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavour", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour", and so on, until we had reached the final flavour, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavour""Cheese flavour? ?" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
10. None of his shirts cover your stomach.
9. His one T-shirt is offensive in 13 states.
8. Birds are attracted to his beard.
7. You recently wore a tube top to a wedding.
6. He has been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
5. He needs an estimate from his barber before he gets a haircut.
4. His very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
3. His best coat is black and red checkered.
2. He recently wore shorts to a funeral parlor.
1. He considers tomato sauce to be a fashion statement.