Reading Jokes / Recent Jokes
Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun and pawn shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife.
What I came across was a 100, 000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
Needless to say, this was way too cool. Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be more...
What do you call 2 orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A double blind study!!!
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver’s window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, “Yes Officer? ”
“What are you doing? ” the policeman asked.
“What does it look like? ” answered the young man. “I’m reading this magazine. ”
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, “And what is she doing? ”
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, “What does it look like? She’s knitting. ”
“And how old are you? ” the officer then asked the young man.
“I’m nineteen, ” he replied.
“And how old is she? ” asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, “Well, more...
The reading of the Will
Moishe has died. His solicitor is standing before the family and reads out Moishe’s last Will and testament.
“To my dear wife Sadie, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million pounds.
To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.
To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and £250,000.
And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp.”
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper.
The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed".
She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to
the stranger sitting next to her and asked,......
"Wow that is really sad, how many is a Brazilian?"
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."