Rank Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Question and the Answer given by Candidates, oh sorry they are IAS
    (Indian Administrative Services - THE most difficult examination in
    India . Candidates are graduate Officers now.

    Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

    Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
    take four men to build it?
    A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)

    Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
    apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
    A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

    Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
    A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
    one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

    Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
    A. No Probs, He sleeps at more...

    * If the enemy is in range, so are you
    Incoming fire has the right of way
    Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
    There is always a way
    That way is always mined
    Try to look uminportant; they might be low on ammo
    What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
    Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at
    If orders can be misunderstood they will be
    The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire
    Odd objects attract fire. You are odd
    Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud
    Mine fields are not neutral
    If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict
    The weight of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it
    The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack
    If your attack is going well, it's an ambush
    Never draw fire, it irritates those around more...

    I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can't take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, don't go to a mind reader go to a palmist I know you've got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? I'd like to break the monotony where's your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for more...

    I don’t think you are a fool. But then what’s MY opinion against thousands of others? I don’t want you to turn the other cheek. It’s just as ugly. I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. I hear the only place you’re ever invited is outside. I hear what you’re saying but I just don’t care. I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank! I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs.

    The revered Mr. Lu, bereft of his spouse in his declining years, took a young woman named Zhu as second wife. Unhappy about the union, Zhu was often seen knitting her brows. One day, Mr. Lu asked her: "Do you regret that you have married an old man?" "No," "You're unhappy because my official rank is too low?" "No, it's not that." "Then why are you so unhappy?" "Neither your old age nor your low rank is the cause of my regret. My only regret is that I was born too late to have met you when you were young."

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