Random Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q. Why did the feminist cross the road?
    A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

    Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:
    1. Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.
    2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.
    3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.
    4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.
    5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"
    6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"
    7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.
    8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"
    9. Sit underneath your chair.
    10. Stand on your head.
    11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.
    12. Never stop smiling.
    13. Scream every word.
    14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally more...

    Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:1. Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"9. Sit underneath your chair.10. Stand on your head.11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.12. Never stop smiling.13. Scream every word.14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, more...

    Random House, publisher of "A Million Little Pieces," has agreed to a financial settlement with readers who claim they were defrauded by James Frey's memoir.
    Zondervan, a publisher of the Bible, immediately declared bankruptcy.

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    12. Sniffle incessantly.
    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
    14. Name more...

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