Railroad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.
"Wow," said the first guy. "I wonder how deep it is?"
"I dunno," said the second.
"Let's find out." With that, he dropped a rock down the hole.   They waitedand waited, but didn't hear it hit bottom.
"Hmm. Let's try a bigger rock," said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn't hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.
While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they'd seen a goat.
"Yeah, just now," said more...

A wealthy chinaman suspected his wife of being unfaithful to him and hired a prominent chinese detective to watch his wife; the following is his report:
DETECTIVE'S REPORT
You leave house
I watch house
Man come to house
Man ring door bell
Wife open door
Man go in house
Man and your wife leave house
They go railroad station
I go railroad station
They go on train
I go on train
They get off train
I get off train
They go to hotel
I go to hotel
They go inside
I no go inside
I climb tree outside window
He undress she
She undress he
He play with she
She play with he
I play with me
I fall out of tree
I no see

Bill and Frank are walking in a field and they come across an old-fashioned well. Bill says to Frank "How deep do you think it is?" Frank says, "Let's throw something down and listen for the sound."
Frank picks up an old railroad tie and tosses it down the well. All of a sudden a goat comes galloping across the field and jumps in the well. "Did you ever see anything like that before?" muses Bill.
A few minutes later a girl comes up and asks if either of them have seen a goat. Bill explains "Well actually, we did just see a goat. It was the darndest thing. He just came running and jumped in this well."
"Oh that can't be my goat," she exclaimed with relief. "My goat was tied to a railroad tie."

Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. Iam tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. Ithink the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people2,000 years ago.Yours truly, A Commuter Dear Sir: We received your letter withreference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you aresomewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, The Railroad Gentlemen:I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who areconfused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book ofDavid, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on hisass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do onyour train in the last two years.Your truly, A Commuter

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special more...

Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"
Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!
He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.
He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell more...

One day a brunette was standing on railroad tracks repeating 21,21,21, over and over.Then a dumb blonde walks onto the tracks and repeats the brunette.The brunette hears the train coming then she gets off and stops talking.The blonde gets ran over by the train.The brunette steps back on the tracks and then repeats 22,22,22.