Raft Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jerry298@austin.relay.ucm.org swears this really happened to him...
OK. Here goes. I was 17, and had mentioned to my father that I was thinking
of buying a rubber boat for use as a scuba platform. My father managed to
get me one from the F.A.A. where he worked. (Don't ask, I never did).
What he brought me was one of those Air Force survival rafts that they issue
to bomber crews with up to 10 men. I couldn't wait to test it, so I called
Jason, and told him to come on over. I took the back seat out of my VW bug,
and laid the seat back down. This makes a VW bug kind of like a hatch back
without the hatch. Jason got over to my place, just as our girlfriends showed
up. They had come over to see if we wanted to go swimming. I crammed the
raft, and both girls in the back of the VW (it was really tight), and Jason
in the passenger seat up front, and took off.
I got onto IH35 in Oklahoma
City to head for one of the area lakes. The windows more...

Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's.
They got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guard Chopper came wop-wop-ing in, homing on the emergency frequency locator beacon that was activated when the boys inflated the raft at the river.
(Note: The boys are no longer with said aircraft company.)

Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's.They got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guard Chopper came wop-wop-ing in, homing on the emergency frequency locator beacon that was activated when the boys inflated the raft at the river.(Note: The boys are no longer with said aircraft company.)

This ethnically disadvantaged male person goes into the travel agency and proclaims, "I've seen your ad about a $99.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to go."
The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here, but I know about all the details of that crumby $99.00 offer, and believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which is only $1,399.00."
"Oh, no you don't," says the Polak, "you're not going to catch ME with that bait and switch. The ad says '$99.00 to Hawaii,' and THAT's what I want."
"Okay," says the agent, who takes a baseball bat from under the desk and hits the Polak in the head. The Polak wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific Ocean!
He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another Polak on the raft.
"What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll send a ship for us."
"I don't think so," responds his more...

After three months at sea, two men landed in Hawaii on a raft made out of plastic bottles. And by booking their travel with Orbitz, they saved ten bucks!

A medical student was working in the toxicology department at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. The student told the mother that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away. Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the work field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is automatically activated when the raft is inflated. They are no more...

On a transatlantic trip a freighter comes across three survivors of a shipwreck bobbing about sunburned and thirsty, in a rubber raft. The freighter`s captain, a Britisher, leans over the side and shouts, "I`d like to rescue you fellows, but I`ve got a few questions first." The first man, a Frenchman, he asks, "What`s the worst disaster in naval history?" "That would be the sinking of the Titanic," replies the Frenchman, and the captain throws down a rope and pulls him up. The next question he posed to the Irishman. "Can you tell me how many died?" "I`d say about 1250 people," came the reply, and a rope was dropped over the side to pull him aboard. "You`re from Poland aren`t you?" said the captain to the lone man in the raft. Turning away from the railing, the captain says, "Name `em."