Raft Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Flood

    Hot 9 months ago

    One day there was this preacher and he was having his usual sermon when all of a sudden it started raining, really, really, hard!!! After about 1 full hour of complete non-stop rain, they started making evacuations because the whole church was flooding, but the preacher just stood there in the ankle-deep water.
    A guy in a car came up to him and said. "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
    But the preacher just replied "Don't worry God will save me."
    The man then said "Whatever!" and drove away.
    The water was now knee-deep and a guy in a raft came over to the Preacher and said "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
    Despite the second warning the Preacher just stood there and replied "Don't worry God will save me."
    The man then said "Whatever!!" and rowed away in the orange raft.
    The water was now waist-deep and a guy in a power boat came to the Preacher more...

    A doctor, a priest, and a lawyer are adrift on a raft in the south Pacific. They're just about out of water, food, and hope, when they spot a small island. Only problem is, between the raft and the island is a large hungry school of tiger sharks.
    The doctor insists, "I'll swim for the island and bring back coconuts and maybe even help. If the sharks attack me, with my medical knowledge I'll be able to tend to my wounds."
    The priest says, "No, no my son, I shall swim for the island. I will pray as soon as I hit the water and with my connections I'm sure to make it."
    While the doctor and priest are arguing over who is to go, the lawyer dives into the water and swims toward the island. Miraculously, the sharks move away and clear a path for the attorney.
    A little while later, the barrister retruns to the raft with a lovely bunch of coconuts. And again the sharks clear a path for him.
    He finally gets to the raft and the bewildered doctor and priest more...

    A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women whoin a short time were fighting over his attentions.They held a meeting to resolve the problem anddecided that each would have his services on adifferent day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through theweek, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot floatingon the sea which as it got closer turned out to be aman on a raft. With his last ounce of strength heswam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupantCPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, amI ever glad to see you! "Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too"said the raft rider in a swishy way.With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"

    Idiot # 1
    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
    calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
    Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
    ~~~
    Idiot # 2
    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
    chopper was going in on the emergency locator beacon which more...

    Idiot #1
    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
    Idiot #2
    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed more...

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