There was a girl named Rachel. She had a cat named Love.
One day, Rachel was taking a shower.
When she got out, she yelled for her cat, Love, but saw that the cat had escaped.
She was still in her towel but she walked outside anyways.
A cop pulled around the corner and said, "Excuse me, Miss. What are you doing out here?"
Rachel replied, "Looking for Love!!!"
Doctor Moshe Rabinowicz and his wife Rachel are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls Rachel and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated Moshe says "what took you so long to answer the phone"?
She says, "I was in bed".
"In bed this late in the day, doing what"?
"I was getting a second opinion" she replied.
Rachel and Esther meet for the first time in fifty years since university.
Rachel begins to tell Esther about her children. "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"
Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."
Rachel says, "No children?... and no grand kids? So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"
I have had a long crappy Sunday.
The last thing I need to when I come home is Rachel Ray's annoying face
telling me how to make pan-seered scallops.
Let me guess, is it the Applebee's Recipe or Chili's?
Doesn't she remind you of Sally Struther's, except with out a cause?
She better get back in the kitchen before Oprah whips her ass with a belt.
As part of the deal with Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel will be required to change her surname.