Quote Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel
way to motivate her class. She told them that she
would read a quote and the first student to correctly
identify who said it would receive the rest of the
day off.
She started with "This was England's finest hour."
Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, " Winston
Churchill."
"Congratulations," said the teacher "you may go
home."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can
do for you."
Before she could finish this quote, another young
lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".
"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden
opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those
girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher
demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose
to his feet and said, more...

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivateher class. She told them that she would read a quote and the firststudent to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest ofthe day off.She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzyinstantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill.""Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady beltsout, "John F. Kennedy!""Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnysaid, "I wish those girls would just shut up."Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to knowwho said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "BillClinton. I'll see you Monday."

One Saturday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with, "To err is nature, to rectify error is glory."
Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "George Washingotn."
"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you..."
Before she could finish this quote, another gal belts out, "John F. Kennedy."
"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.
Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you on more...

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her
class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student
to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with
"This was England's finest hour."
Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, " Winston Churchill."
"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home."
The teacher then said,
"Ask not what your country can do for you."
Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out,
"John F. Kennedy".
"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, "I wish those little twits would just shut the hell up."
Upon overhearing this rude comment, the outraged teacher demanded
to know who said it.
Johnny instantly rose to his feet and more...

It wasn't until after Sue Quirke had shredded the postcard that she discovered it was her tax rebate check - one of millions sent to Wisconsin taxpayers this week. "I just thought it was an advertisement for a free something or other," Quirke said. Quirke's bank has declined to take the check - which she patched back with tape - because it would not go through any of its machines. The state is sending $700 million in tax rebate checks to 2.5 million taxpayers as part of a tax relief package.
The rebates feature a sales tax logo on the back and a quote from Gov. Tommy Thompson: "It's your money!" The state Department of Revenue said it included the logo and quote to prevent people from tossing the card out.
But Willard Riemer, owner of Riemer's Flowers in Thiensville, said the quote from Thompson made him think the postcard was a piece of campaign literature.
"Important stuff from the state usually comes in a yellow envelope," Riemer said. more...

A feature of America On Line (AOL) is detailed member profiles. At the bottom of each profile is a space for a personal quote. Below are some that I thought were funny.
I'll never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception
- Groucho
Someone asked, "How are you", I said, "Not yet."
- Jack Bailey
If a tree falls in a forest with no one around.. does anyone care?
My way of joking is telling the truth. That is the funniest joke of all.
- G.B.Shaw
Never attribute to malice that which can be accounted for by stupidity.
I knew you'd be checking this. That's why it's strategically vague.
I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in there I'll never know.
- G.Marx
Why are you checking my profile?
Are cataracts... genetic blueblockers?
The toilet is the only place where everyone knows what they are doing.
Nancy Kerrigan has more teeth in her mouth than Jeffery Dahmer had in his entire more...

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".

Quote from the Boss... "I didn`t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That`s because it`s unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.

My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.

I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too. .. but at least I respect him.

He`s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and more...