Quit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Business Rules to Live By
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home more...
Points to Ponder
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
- I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
- How much faith does it take to be an atheist?
- I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
- If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?
- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
- If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
- I believe the only time the more...
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Everything can be filed under' miscellaneous'. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of the cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is more...
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said.
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you more...
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On our desk we have work stations. GO FIGURE!
If Fedex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Do you think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
People seem to read the Bible whole lot more as they get older, could it be they are cramming for their finals.