Quiet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
    Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
    A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

    A huge fleet of the english army came to a hill, on the bottom of the hill, there was a forest of trees. Just before the king was about to go down into it he heard a voice from the forest it yelled,

    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    The king was outraged and he sent two of his best knights down. After much clashing of swords there was blood curdling screams and all was silent.

    Again the king heard
    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    He was now so furious that he sent twenty of his knights down. There were screams of agony and pain...then all was quiet.

    again they heard
    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    The king was know seeing red and in his fury he sent the remaining of his fleet down to the forest. There were screams an clashing of swords and then all was quiet.

    The king was dumbfounded!! But one of his more...

    A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up to an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
    "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
    "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"
    So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
    Three days later, the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."
    So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
    And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called every day for more...

    Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
    About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

    Her Diary
    Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
    bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
    thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
    comment.
    Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
    could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
    wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was
    upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
    On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
    driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I
    love you, too."
    When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
    with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T. V.; he seemed distant and
    absent.
    Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to more...

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