Quiche Jokes

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    Real Programmers

    Hot 4 years ago

    Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
    Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
    Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
    metal.
    Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
    Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
    They are lucky to get any program at all.
    Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
    understand and even harder to modify.
    Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
    Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
    novice and the coward.
    Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
    Real programmers don't use more...

    Quiche me quick

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"

    He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

    The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

    Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

    This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

    A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced' QUICHE'."

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    ------------------------
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

    Part 9 - (The Future of Real Programmers) - the final part
    --------------------------------------------------
    What of future? It is a matter of some concern to Real Programmers that the latest generation of
    computer programmers are not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders. Many of
    them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly anyone graduating from school these days
    can do hex arithmetic without a calculator. College graduates these days are soft - protected from the
    realities of programming by source level debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and "user friendly"
    opearing systems. Worst of all, some of these alleged "computer scientists" manage to get degrees without
    ever learning FORTRAN! Are we destined to become an industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL
    programmers?
    From my experience, I can only report that the furure is bright for Real Programmers everywhere. more...

    Real software engineers eat quiche. Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to. Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though. If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it. Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought. Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that more...

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