WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.
We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.
WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots more...
A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates he was told that only brave people who had performed heroic deeds and had the courage of their convictions could enter. If the ref could describe a situation in his life where he had shown these characteristics, he would be allowed in.
"Well," said the ref, "I was reffing a game between the Queensland Reds and New South Wales Waraths at Suncorp Stadium. Queensland were 2 points ahead, 1 minute to go. The New South Wales wing made a break, passed inside to his lock. The lock was driven on by his forwards, passed out to the flanker who ducked blind and went over in the corner. However, the flanker dropped the ball before he could ground it, and as New South Wales were clearly the better side all game, I ruled that he had dropped the ball down, not forward, and awarded the try."
"OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book." says Peter, and more...
Three guys - a Tasmanian, a Queenslander (or "One Nationer") and a Victorian - are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total", says the genie.
The Tasmanian says, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
With a blink of the genie's eye,' FOOM' the oceans were teaming with fish.
The One Nationer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Queensland, so that we can run our own State how we feel, and no hippie southerner can tell us what to do. I want it so nothing and no-one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye,' POOF' there was a huge wall around Queensland.
The Victorian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The genie more...