Pump Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Us Air Force

    Hot 1 year ago

    A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.
    As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says,
    “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished. ”
    Shivering in the cold, his more...

    A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So, a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. He finally gets to the air base only to find that the latrine pump has been left outdoors and is frozen solid so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He finally arrives at the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later. As he's leaving the plane, the pilot, an Air Force Major, stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished." The poor guy says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your more...

    Graa and Zmba had just arrived in the Nevada desert from the planet Fraana when they happened upon a service station. Graa said to Zmba, "Watch out, this sucker is going to be one tough cookie!"
    He walked up to pump number one and said, "Take me to your leader."
    The pump just stood their and Graa got a little angry and repeated his command with emphasis, "Take me to your leader!" But the pump just stood motionless. Graa pulled out his ray gun and said, "This is your last chance. Take me to your leader." When the pump made no response, he fired a shot at it and the explosion hurled Graa and Zmba all the way back to their spacecraft.
    "How did you know he would be so tough?" Zmba asked.
    "Anyone with a dick so long they can stick it in their ear has got to be one tough cookie."

    Makes one think, and puts things in perspective:
    Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29... $10.32 per gallon
    Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19... $ 9.52 per gallon
    Gatorade... 20 oz $1.59... $10.17 per gallon
    Ocean Spray... 16 oz $1.25... $10.00 per gallon
    Brake Fluid... 12 oz $3.15... $33.60 per gallon
    Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35... $178.13 per gallon
    Pepto Bismol... 4 oz $3.85... $123.20 per gallon
    Whiteout... 7 oz $1.39... $25.42 per gallon
    Scope... 1.5 oz $0.99... $84.48 per gallon
    and this is the REAL KICKER...
    >Evian water 9 oz for $1.49... $21.19 per gallon.
    $21.19 FOR WATER!....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the name Evian, is Naive turned around, and the Canadians are selling it by the millions of gallons to the US.
    So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!
    Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the more...

    One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night with her." To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll take you up on that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his companion 'good night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight to bed. The following morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her money."If you don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those grounds!" The next day, he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed to his atorney and explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't possibly get a more...

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