Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...
Each fencer shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one sword and the proper protective gear.
Play on the strip must be approved by the owner of the target.
Unlike conventional fencing, the object is to impale the target.
For most effective play, the sword should have a firm, but not sharp, blade.The owner of the target is permitted to check the blade and protective equipment before play begins.
Target owners reserve the right to restrict blade length to avoid damage to the target.
The object of the game is to lunge, recover, lunge, recover until the target owner is satisfied that enough touches have been scored. Failure to do so may result in a black card and being banned from the strip.
It is considered bad form to begin fencing immediately upon arrival at the strip.It is important to engage in certain exercise before fencing.The experienced fencer will check out the entire strip, paying close attention to any elevations present.
Fencers are more...
Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the more...
Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back more...
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.
"I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table!"
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile.
"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy."