Proceed Jokes / Recent Jokes

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.
2. Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil more...

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
41. Dress up in coat and tie. Find a table where everyone's done eating. Inform them of the daily special desserts and take their orders.
42. Spill your drink and tray on a person and run off.
43. During the meal, tell about the time you beat a boulder to death.
44. Find a full table. Ask, "Is anyone sitting under there?" Proceed to eat beneath the table. Ask for amenities such as napkins and ketchup. Comment on how nice everyone's shoes look.
45. If sitting with someone with whom you're romantically interested, complain how the setting isn't very romantic. Apologize. Then give a look of resolve and proceed to smash all the lights in the dining hall. Sit back down and remove the shattered glass from your partner's food.
46. Bring in a cordless or cellular phone. Order pizza.
47. During the meal, complain how terrible the virus is more...

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.

2. Don`t go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.

3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.

4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"

5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.

6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack more...

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and. . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading something more more...

Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
After finishing your more...

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style". The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo, with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, & I'm here to confiscate your guns". The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

INDIAN ROAD RULES
1. Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In
that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by
occupying the next available gap, as in chess.

2. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.

3. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended
direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for
a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better
position.

4. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to
cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or had come to a dead stop more...