Priceless Jokes

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    Priceless

    Hot 1 year ago

    Prelim explanation:
    It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
    As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
    He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
    After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best more...

    Starting monthly salary for US Marine...$984.60
    One Bradley Fighting Vehicle...$3.16 million
    Humanitarian aid for Iraq...$20 billion
    Kickin' back with the boys in Saddam's Palace...priceless

    Carton of eggs~~~ $3
    Ski mask~~~ $14
    Tickets to a Brittany concert~~~ $84
    Egging the crap out of America's Pop Princess? PRICELESS

    Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
    He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
    "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the more...

    Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot steak and eggs breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home about 3 A.M., blind stinking drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."Confused, Marty asks, "So, why did Mom put everything in order and so clean, with breakfast on more...

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