Practice Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mammogram Exercises

    Hot 6 years ago

    Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
    EXERCISE 1:
    Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
    EXERCISE 2:
    Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
    EXERCISE more...

    Camouflage practice

    Hot 7 years ago

    During camouflage training in Louisianna, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting
    general.
    "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
    "Yes, sir," the soldier answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a woodpecker drilled a hole in my trunk, and I did not move when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my
    lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg, and I heard him the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter" - that did it."

    CPR

    Hot 4 years ago

    Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice.

    As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?"

    He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.

    Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"

    The difference between theory and practice. .. is larger in practice than in theory.

    NEW SICK LEAVE POLICY

    Hot 3 years ago

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
    * SICKNESS
    No excuse... We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
    * AN OPERATION
    We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
    * DEATH
    1. Other than your own, this is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead more...

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