Potato Jokes / Recent Jokes

a irishman went to a beach in Austarlia but he never seemed to make it with any girls so he decided to ask the local lifeguard for help." how do i get all the girls to be attracted to me"? asked the irishman."well" said the lifeguard." go and buy a pair of speedos 2 sizes to small and put a fist sized potato inside them. so the next day the irishman came back with his speedos and his potato. every body stared and laughed at him. so the irishman decided to ask the lifeguard why everyone was looking at him. whilst laughing the lifeguard said. " you are supposed to put the potato in the front not the back"!!!

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog". He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

Martha's Way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Woman's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Woman's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Woman's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too more...

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could.After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes... Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks...DOH!

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticizes on everything, and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce more...

** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...