Porsche Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man in Ireland is driving his Morris Miner to the ferry port to go home in England. Suddenly, his car breaks down. A bloke in a Ferrari pulls up and says he has a towrope in his boot, but he warns that he is a fast driver. So if he goes too fast, just flash your lights and beep your horn. They set off and suddenly the Ferrari driver spots a Porsche. He thinks "this is no good, I must overtake that Porsche." So he speeds up, the driver of the Porsche speeds up, until they are speeding like a man-on-fire!
    The driver of the Morris miner starts flashing its lights and beeping its horn.
    Meanwhile, Paddy, Mick and Ferges are standing on their driveway. Suddenly, ZOOM! Goes the Porsche. ZOOM! Goes the Ferrari. ZOOM! Goes the Morris Miner.
    Paddy says' did you see that Porsche, it was going' at least a 100 miles an hour!'
    Mick replies' yep, that was okay, but did you see that Ferrari, that was 110 miles an hour'
    Ferges thinks, then says

    A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door.
    When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
    The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal."
    So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door.
    The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
    The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW..."

    Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup. Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him. Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche. Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. A: She was known as the deep C diva. Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds. Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice. Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell? Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? A: more...

    Commercial misfortune

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    This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
    This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
    "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
    "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
    "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
    "That's easy, Guy," more...

    101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
    A: Tell her she's pregnant.
    102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant?
    A: And you thought blondes were dumb.
    103. Q: What will she ask you?
    A: "Is it mine?"
    104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
    A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
    105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
    A: To see what was on the other side.
    106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
    A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
    107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
    A: So they know what day of the week it is.
    108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
    A: Because it kept falling out.
    109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
    A: Wishful Thinking.
    110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore more...

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