Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's F%*#ing cooking show on the telly.
Bruce says; "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!."
To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"
A Tucson Arizona cable television provider has apologized to area customers after 30-seconds of porn was mistakenly shown during the Super Bowl. Customers angrily called when programming returned to the Super Bowl.
Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no." Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a more...
Porn legend Jenna Jameson, 34, gave birth Monday to two healthy boys. Doctors delivered the twins at 11:23 & 11:34. Doctors also delivered a rubber fist and arm, a dozen ping pong balls, and an Asian midget.
An aspiring pianist was hired to play the background music for a movie. When it was completed, he inquired as to when and where he would be able to see the film. Sheepishly, the produced confessed that it was actually a porn movie and was due to be released in a month.
A month later, with his collar up and wearing dark glasses, the pianist went to a porn theatre to see it. He took a seat in the back row, right next to a couple who also appeared to be in disguise.
The film was even raunchier than his worst fears. It featured goup sex, S & M, and even a dog.
After a few minutes, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Really?" the man replied. "Well, we're only here to see our dog."