Popped Jokes

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    The Ultimate Computer

    Hot 4 years ago

    The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line.
    When the guided tour arrived, a salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This baby here," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. Ask it any question you wish and it will give you an intelligent answer."
    A smartass stepped forward and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"
    Suddenly, the electronic gears went to work. Lights flashed, wheels buzzed and within seconds, a small card popped out. The card read, "Fishing Off Florida."
    "Ha!" laughed the smartass. "Actually, my father is dead! That was a trick question."
    The quick thinking salesman immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps he might like to try rephrasing his question and try again.
    "Ok," the smartass said, "where is my mother's husband?"
    Again more...

    A couple had a baby, but it was deformed, it was just a head. They judiciously took care of the head, and when it turned 21, they took it into a bar for its first drink.
    They put the head up on the counter and the bartender poured a drink - smoke started to burst from the head - and then - out popped a body (it was a boy!) - the couple was so excited that they bought a round for the whole crowd in the bar - then their child took another sip - smoke again appeared - and out popped to arms - with another sip and out popped two legs - they now had a fully intact child! They were so happy that they bought another round of drinks for the crowd - and then their child took another sip and in a huge puff of smoke, he was gone - disappeared...
    The couple was very upset - and the bartender uttered: well, he should have quit, while he was ahead...

    A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
    While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says, "If you don't do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
    Fearing for his life, he did it with her.
    Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said, "If you don't do it with me, I'll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
    Again fearing for his life, he agreed.
    Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said, "If you more...

    A man was waiting for his wife to give birth when the doctor came in and informed the new dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son had only a head! But the dad loved his son anyway, and raised him as well as he could, with love and compassion.
    After 21 years, the son was old enough for his first drink. Dad took him to the bar and tearfully told the son he was proud of him. Then Dad ordered up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
    Swoooop! A torso popped out of the bottom of the son's head! The bar was deadly silent; then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons began chanting, "Take another drink!" The bartender stood still, shaking his head in amazement.
    Swoooop! Two arms popped out. The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, cried for his son more...

    Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he popped her the question?
    A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"

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