Plead Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In the courtroom...

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
    "Guilty", said the man in the dock.
    At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
    The Judge continued "... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
    "Guilty", said the man in the dock.
    Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
    At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
    He more...

    Bad Conductor

    Hot 2 years ago

    The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
    After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
    Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

    How do people plead insanity?
    Who's gonna believe a crazy person?
    -Richard Guindon

    Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
    If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
    "CLUES"
    I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
    When I'm not well, I drip.
    When you blow me, you feel good.
    I'm spread before I'm eaten.
    Your tongue gets me off.
    People sometimes lick my nuts.
    I assist an erection.
    Sometimes big balls hang from me.
    I'm called a big swinger.
    Over 1,000 people went down on me.
    I wasn't maiden for long.
    A big hard thing ripped me open.
    You stick your poles inside me.
    You tie me down to get me up.
    I get wet before more...

    Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, "How do you plead?"
    "Guilty."
    "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court."
    Katz stepped down and the two judges shook hands and changed places. "How do you plead?" asked Tyler.
    "Guilty."
    Tyler reflected for a moment. "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late," he pointed out. "In fact, this is the second such incident in the last quarter hour. That'll be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."

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