Planned Jokes / Recent Jokes
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you more...
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
'It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth', said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,' It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone'.
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be' minimal'. The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by' Q4 1999 at latest', according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had' willingly and enthusiastically' accepted a position as a more...
Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...
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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT
The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.
Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.
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INTRODUCTION
The more...
REDMOND, Wash. - June 1, 2001 - In direct response to the recent decision handed down by the Court of Appeals agreeing with the decision of the lower court on the case presented by the Department of Justice, Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates said. "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone."
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President George Bush, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft.
An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q4 2002 at the latest", according to Microsoft President Steve more...
Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T. V." He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said looking for more...
Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy.I call mine Sex Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said looking more...