Planned Jokes

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    Arkansas Love Poem

    Hot 5 years ago

    Susie Lee done fell in love,
    She planned to marry Joe.
    She was so happy 'bout it all,
    She told her Pappy so.
    Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
    You'll have to find another.
    I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
    But Joe is yo' half-brother."
    So Susie put aside her Joe,
    And planned to marry Will.
    But, after telling Pappy this,
    He said, "There's trouble still.
    You cain't marry Will, my gal,
    And please don't tell yo' mother,
    But Will and Joe and several mo'
    I know is yo' half-brother."
    But Mama knew and said "My Child,
    Just do what makes yo' happy.
    Marry Will or marry Joe,
    ... you ain't no kin to Pappy."

    A Redneck Poem

    Hot 7 years ago

    Susie Lee fell in love.
    She planned to marry Joe.
    She was so happy' bout it all,
    she told her Pappy so.
    Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
    you'll have to find another.
    I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
    but Joe is yo' half-brother."
    So Susie forgot about her Joe
    and planned to marry Will.
    But, after telling Pappy this,
    he said, "There's trouble still.
    You can't marry Will, my gal,
    and please don't tell yo' mother,
    cause Will and Joe and several mo'
    I know is yo' half-brother."
    But Mama knew and said "Honey Child,
    Do what makes yo' happy.
    Marry Will or marry Joe,
    you ain't no kin to Pappy!"

    Q: How can you tell that Harvard was planned by a mathematician?
    A: The div school is right next to the grad school...

    25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
    24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
    23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
    22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
    21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
    20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
    19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
    18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
    17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
    16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

    Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy.I call mine Sex Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show off.
    When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said looking more...

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