Plane Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW TO WIN THE WAR:
Would this be chemical, biological, or psychological warfare?
"PIG SHIT!" That's right: pig shit. They can't be in contact with any pork product and go to "Allah". So what we do is load every tanker plane we have with "PIG SHIT" and spray their whole damned country with it.
Later we come in and flood all their caves with it. That way they will come into contact with a pork product and they won't want to die because they cannot go to Allah. For airline security we put a "Potbelly Pig" at each loading gate and everyone boarding the plane would have to rub its belly and kiss it on the head. Again, they wouldn't want to die because they cannot go to Allah.
To think...a war won with "PIG SHIT".
The head lines in the paper would read:
"AMERICANS WIN WAR WITH PIG SHIT" Nobody Lost in Shittiest Battle ever fought."

Italian Plane

Hot 2 years ago

Q. How can u tell when an Italian plane lands at the airport?
A. It's the one with the hair under its wings!

Laloo Yadav

Hot 2 years ago

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, “This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here. ” Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, “Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live! ” She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, “I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live! ” Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, “There is only one parachute left, and there are more...

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.
4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

A plane leaves the Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It`s the first time they`ve flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don`t like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "why not?" "You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that`s why!" "No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese." "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn`t matter, you`re all alike!" There`s a few minutes of silence. "No rike Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces. "Why not?" asks the captain. "Jews sink Titanic." "Jews didn`t sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "it was an iceberg!" "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, more...

High flying

Hot 2 years ago

A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
"Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"
Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:
"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position"
"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front"

Ethnic plane

Hot 5 years ago

There are four men in a cargo plane, a British man, a Frenchman, and American and an Arab. The plane is very heavily loaded, and is falling to the earth. They unload all the cargo, and the plane is still too heavy. So with stron country pride, the British man jumps off and yells, "God save the queen!" The Frenchman, not to be outdone, jumps out next and yells, "Viva la France!" Now just the American and the Arab are there. One of them has to jump out. So with great patriotism, the American throws the Arab out and yells, "Remember 9/11!"