Why did the fly fall off the toilet?
It got pissed off.
Entering a bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I am so pissed off!"
"Really?" What happened?" the bartender asked.
"Well, I met this gorgeous woman and she invited me back to her place.
We stripped off our clothes, jumped into bed and just as we're about to make love her damn husband came in the front door. So, I had to jump out the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!" the man explained.
"Gee, that really is tough!" replied the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me angry," continued the man. "When her husband entered the room, he said, 'Great! You're already naked! Let me just take a leak'. Damned if the lazy bugger doesn't go and piss out the window right onto my head!"
"Yuck! No wonder you're in a lousy mood," said the bartender.
"Yeah, but I still haven't told you what really, really got to more...
A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.
The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".
This pissed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.
The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of shit, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."
This pissed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of shit?"
Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.
The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making more...IKICKASS
Why did the condom cross the road?
He was pissed off!
So, who does this remind you of? . ... (men, hint: if you answer anyone we know you are wrong....)
19 Surefire ways to know you're a Woman
1. You are a Bitch.
2. When asked' Is something bothering you?' reply' no' then get pissed off when you are believed.
3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..
4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say' It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean' It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is more...