Pinhole Jokes

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    Reasons why high school english teachers retire early.
    Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:
    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
    7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
    8. The more...

    Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    (Joseph Romm, Washington)
    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
    (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    (Russell Beland, Springfield)
    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when more...

    Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
    collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
    essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
    teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
    guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
    those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
    speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
    without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
    room-temperature Canadian more...

    These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of more...

    Worst Analagies Written By High Schoolers
    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like more...

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