Physicist Jokes / Recent Jokes

the water in your kettle is boiling at 373 Kelvin.
you know that the speed of light is 299, 792. 5 km/sec.
you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
you've already calculated how much you earn per second.
you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
you know the size of the elctron, but don't know your own shirt size.
when you break a vase you blame the second law of thermodynamics.
you try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
you avoid stirring your coffee because you don't want to increase the entropy of the universe.
your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
you're at a wine tasting event and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the Chardonnay.
you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected more...

Three employees of NOSC (an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician) are staying in a hotel while attending a technical seminar.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"

The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.

After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...

A Collection of Lawyer Jokes



An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...

A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment.The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal."The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I`m not going to go through this. You know I`ll never reach the food!" And he gets up and storms out.The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist`s eyes light up and he starts drooling.The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don`t you realize that you`ll never reach the food?"The physicist smiles and replies: "Of course! But I`ll get close enough for all practical purposes!"

A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafewatching people going in and coming out of the house on the other sideof the street.First they see two people going into the house.Time passes.After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.The physicist says: "The measurement wasn`t accurate."The biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."The mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it`llbe empty again."

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First they see two people going into the house.
Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The
Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced". The
Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."