Phrases Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Arguing Effectively

    Hot 6 years ago

    How to Argue and Win Every Time
    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
    argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
    *Drink liquor.
    Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
    *Make things up.
    Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...

    The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

    "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference."

    A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless.

    "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

    "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't make any sense.

    "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.

    "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

    "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once.

    "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... more...

    48 Phrases you wish you could say at work!
    1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
    2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
    3. How about never? Is never good for you?
    4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
    5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
    6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
    8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
    9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
    10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
    11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
    12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
    13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
    14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
    15. I will always cherish the more...

    48 Phrases you wish you could say at work! 1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and more...

    More male phrases explained:
    "You know how bad my memory is."
    Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
    "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
    Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
    "I do help around the house."
    Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
    "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
    Really means... "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."
    "I can't find it."
    Really means... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
    "What did I do this time?"
    Really means... "What did you catch me doing?"
    "I heard more...

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