The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said,' 'I'm off. The man should be here soon''.
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.' 'Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''
''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.
''Really?'' the photographer asked.' 'Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''
''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''
''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and more...
Two old ladies, one somewhat hard of hearing, decided to have their portraits taken. The photographer welcomed them to his studio and said, "Please take a seat ladies."
The first lady asked her friend, "What did he say?"
"He would like us to sit down." replied the second lady.
Then the photographer asked, "Can you please sit closer so I can focus the camera?"
"What did he say?" asked the first.
"He's going to focus." replied her friend.
"What, both of us?"
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of agreat forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself.
So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo.
He need to take another photo so he asked Blackbeard to "Please Poseidon!"
What did the photographer say, when about to photograph a group of tourists?