Phones Jokes

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later."
At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch.
Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording more...

A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The
receptionist replies "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you
that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. "Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George. "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ”
The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week. ”
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ”
Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week. ”
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer. ”
“Excuse me sir, ” the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling? ”
The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it! ”

IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the more...