Perhaps Jokes

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    Proxy Fathers

    Hot 6 months ago

    If you like British humor! This is really good!
    The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers".
    Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father - a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.
    The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon." Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell...
    Ms Smith: "Good morning."
    Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to..."
    Ms Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you.
    Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins."
    Ms Smith: more...

    Titanic Parody

    Hot 9 months ago

    A Shorter, Harsher Titanic

    (Scene 1)

    KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?

    KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named' Picasso.' I am certain he will amount to nothing.

    KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless paintings will sink with the boat.

    LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.

    KATE: Thank you. So are you.

    LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my' brooding' face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.

    KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and more...

    A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about.Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, more...

    A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Sacha Guitry
    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
    An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha Guitry
    The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. - Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]
    If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine Hepburn
    Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katherine Hepburn
    Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. - Oliver Herford
    Wedding is destiny, and more...

    A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Sacha GuitryWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha GuitryAn ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha GuitryThe marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. - Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine HepburnSometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katherine HepburnBigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. - Oliver HerfordWedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. - John more...

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