Pearls Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Good girls and bad

    Hot 2 years ago

    Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
    Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

    Good girls wax their floors
    Bad girls wax their bikini line

    Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
    Bad girls know they could do it better

    Good girls wear white cotton panties
    Bad girls don't wear any

    Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
    Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

    Good girls pack their toothbrush
    Bad girls pack their diaphragms

    Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
    Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

    Good girls wear high heels to work
    Bad girls wear high heels to bed

    Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
    Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

    Good girls prefer the missionary position
    Bad girls do too, but only for more...

    At the bar

    Hot 6 years ago

    After work on a Friday evening, three guys were sitting in a bar, talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
    After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured that if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her."
    The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah? Well, for my anniversary, I got my old lady a T-shirt and a vibrator. I figured that if she didn't like the T-shirt, she could go f*** herself."

    -Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
    -Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
    -Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
    -Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
    -Good girls wax their floors.
    -Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
    -Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
    -Bad girls know they could do it better.
    -Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
    -Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
    -Good girls wear high heels to work.
    -Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
    -Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...''
    -Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

    Personal Hygiene
    Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to
    detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
    While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
    done in private using one's own truck keys.
    Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter
    and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save
    hours. It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this
    method.
    The first rule of shaving is to take your time. A man who is always
    clean-shaven runs the risk of being labeled a sissy or an international
    banker.
    It's recommended that women occasionally shave their legs and
    under-arms. No amount of effort, not even braiding, can make hair in
    these body regions attractive.
    Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down
    item.
    Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for more...

    This one was told to me by my penpal Mary Ellen Duff, to whom
    it was told by some enigmatic fellow named Dave...
    An ignorant but well-meaning tourist was visiting a small
    Polynesian island when he came across a native man proudly
    displaying twenty alligator teeth slung about his neck in
    a decorative fashion.
    "I guess you must prize alligator teeth the way we value
    pearls," said the tourist.
    "More so," said the native. "Anyone can open up an oyster."

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