A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Hello, Patricia Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger, he's the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out more...
A widow named Patricia lived alone in the countryside with her pet dog, which she loved and was totally devoted to. After many years of companionship, her dog died, so she went to see the parish priest.
"Father, my old dog has died and I was wondering if you could be saying a mass for the dear soul?" Patricia said.
"I'm very sorry to hear about your dog's passing," Father Murphy said. "Unfortunately, we are unable to have services for an animal in the church. There is, however, a new denomination down the road. There's no telling what they believe, so perhaps they'll do something for the animal."
"I'll go there right now," Patricia replied. "By the way, Father, do you think that $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
"Why didn't you tell me your dear dog was a Catholic?" Father Murphy replied.
An application for a wedding license in this morning's paper lists Patricia English and Richard Spelling. Poor girl will be Patricia English Spelling!
The Golds were never very observant. They would mark Yom Kippur by abstaining from ham-if they remembered. But one thing they always told little Billy was: "Make sure you marry a nice Jewish girl." Well, Billy Gold grew up much like mom and dad, and one brought home a lovely fiance, but she was definitely not at all Jewish. Billy's mother took him aside and told him: "We've always told you one thing: Marry a nice Jewish girl." Billy, expecting this, triumphantly announces: "Don't worry, Mom. Patricia has agreed to convert." But nothing molifies the parents: "She is a shiksa and will always be a shiksa." The parents don't want to even come to the wedding: they take a month-long cruise that starts the day before the wedding, and for a month after that, they refuse to talk to Billy. Finally, Billy's mother can't resist. She comes and visits Billy, walking in in a huff with her copy of the key. To her amazement, Billy is dressed in black and is more...
There once was a little frog who wanted to take out a home improvement loan to fix up his pad. He hopped over to his local bank, went up to the teller and said, "Hi, I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
The teller replied, "You need to see our loan officer. Her name is "Patricia Black."
So the frog hops over to the loan officer's desk and sits down. When Patricia arrives she ask, "What can I do for you?"
The frog says, "I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
Patricia asked, "What do you have for Collateral?"
After thinking for a couple of moments about what he could offer the frog reaches into his little foggy pocket and pulls out a small white elephant.
"This is a very unusual form of collateral." said Patricia.
"I'll have to check with out bank president to see if it's ok."
Patricia goes to the president and says, "There's a frog out there who want's a more...