Parrot Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
This man had a parrot. This parrot knew only one sentence,
which was "Let's make love." The parrot said it all the time,
embarrassing the owner to no end.
Finally, he went to his parish priest and told him of his parrot
problem. The priest replied, "I have a parrot who also only knows
one sentence. He always says, "Let us pray." Bring your parrot over
Sunday after mass, and I'm sure your parrot will be praying by the
end of the day."
So, as directed, The owner brought the parrot over to the rectory
after mass. The parrot, spying the priest's parrot, opened his mouth
and blurted out, "Let's make love."
The priest's parrot closed his eyes, looked up at heaven and said,
"My prayers have been answered."
An old man died and left his talking parrot to his nephew.Unfortunately, the old man's language was not the cleanest, and it would seem that the parrot picked up on this. The nephew did not like this, and tried to break the parrot of its swearing habit. He tried everything. He played religious music, he was kind to the bird, he spent long hours trying to teach it manners. Finally, one day, he became so frustrated, he threw the parrot into the freezer."There," he said. "Maybe he'll cool off in there."For the first few seconds, the parrot swore a blue streak inside that freezer. Then, suddenly, the parrot fell silent. A few moments later, the nephew heard from within the freezer, "If you would be so kind as to let me out, I promise to rectify my unsavory vocabulary."Shocked and surprised, the nephew quickly opened the door and removed the chilly but sedate bird. Before he could say anything, however, the parrot spoke."If you don't mind, may I ask what more...
Q: Why did the owl, owl? A: Because the woodpecker would peck' er! Q: What is a polygon? A: A dead parrot! Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera? A: The parrots of Penzance! Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker! Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? A: Hide and Speak! Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated! Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor? A:' The pheasants are revolting'! Q: What is the definition of Robin? A: A bird who steals! Q: When is the best time to buy budgies? A: When they're going cheap!
This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?"The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "Well, what does he know?" asked the potential buyer."He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences, and is able to solve mathematical expressions.""How about the second one?""The second parrot costs $5,000.""What does he know?""He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, AND create computer programs.""Then what is the price for the third one?," the buyer wondered."This one costs $20,000.""Really?!," exclaimed the exciting buyer. "What does he know?""This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'their boss'."
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
A guy decides that he'd like to have a pet. While looking around in the pet shop, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch but it doesn't have any feet or legs. "Geez, I wonder what happened to this poor parrot," the guy says out loud.
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha," the guy laughs, "It sounded like the parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every single word," the parrot says. "I'm a highly intelligent, very well educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"This is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you," the parrot whispers. "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really more...