Parliament Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cromwell and Rasputin
    by
    as submitted to
    Dr. Richard King
    The following essay was an actual submission by a student, who was given the assignment: ''Write a term paper
    comparing and contrasting two revolutionary figures of your
    choice. The figures are to be selected from different
    periods of European history.''
    Unlike most papers of student bloopers, which are collaborative
    efforts, this one is the work of the exceptionally fruitful pen
    of a single student. Read it and enjoy!
    The English and the Russian revolutions had a leader
    that stood out to have an effect on the revolution. For the
    Russian it was Rasputin. He was born in the reign of the
    Tsar-Emperor Alexander the Second, absolute ruler of over a
    hundred million people consisting of fifty some nationalities
    and speaking nearly two-hundred-different languages or
    dialects. This empire stretched from the Prussian border to
    beyond the Pacific Ocean. Rasputin was more...

    Excerpted from "Quotes, damned quotes and..." by John Bibby.
    Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
    translate into their own language and forthwith it is something
    entirely different. (Goethe)
    If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9
    times out of ten it will. (Paul Harvey News, 1979)
    "Give us a copper Guv," said the beggar to the Treasury
    statistician when he waylaid him in Parliament square. "I
    haven't eaten for three days." "Ah," said the statistician, "And
    how does that compare with the same period last year?" (Russell
    Lewis)
    "I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of
    Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call
    for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want
    is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than
    when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a more...

    Once our Amathituma was coming out of the Airport. As there was a huge rush the security guard told Sir, "WAIT PLEASE" for which the Amathi replied "75Kgs" and moved on...
    *******************************************************
    Once Amathi wanted to know the time difference between UK and US. So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them "could you tell me the time difference between UK & US" The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Amathi immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
    *******************************************************
    At a bar in New York, the man to Amathi's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE. The bartender approaches Amathi and asks, "ANDYOU, SIR?"
    Amathi replies: "S. B. Dissanayaka MARRIED." ( S. B. Dissanayake is the Minister for Sports in Sri Lanka more...

    The government of Sri Lanka is now hiring MP s for the next parliament.
    Salary: Rs 22100/- per month
    Other allowances: ( legal)
    1 Entertainment Rs 1000/- per month
    2 Fuel allowance Rs 7500/- per month
    3 Cell phone allowance Rs 2000/- month
    4 Attending parliament Rs 4000/- per month
    5 Driver's allowance Rs 3500/- per month (can use
    more than one driver)
    Other benefits:
    1 Telephone with international connection
    2 Photo copier at duty free rate ( Rs 685/-) monthly.
    3 Computer at duty free rate ( Rs 1150/-)monthly.
    4 Typewriter at duty free rate ( Rs 425/-) monthly.
    5 Permit to import a luxury car valued at 30000 Us $
    6 After 5 years another permit to import a luxury car
    7 MPs those who selected are living 25 miles from
    Colombo are entitled 2 story house with 3 bed rooms and other facilities ( Rs 1000 will be charged per month as rent)
    Other previlages:
    food at low cost from parliament more...

    What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas more...

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