Overweight Jokes / Recent Jokes
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt
to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers,
etc. And none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small
ad which read: Lose weight $1.00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
'How much weight do you want to lose?' to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, put your check in the mail and we'll have a
representative over to your house in the morning.'
About 9:00 the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a
beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck
stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me.' Well the overweight fellow chased
her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house.
Finally he did catch her more...
Santa took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up.
"Your dog is overweight," the vet said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing fetch with him."
"That's impossible," Santa replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog."
"Why not?" asked the puzzled vet.
"Because," Santa said, "he can't throw."
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks." He said. "The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping!"
China will be placing restrictions on adoptions, barring overweight foreigners from adopting its children. This is clearly targeted at Americans, who tend to be overweight.
That’s pretty good: They send their people over here like every other culture does - to open restaurants where their ethnic cuisine is four time as rich as it is in the motherland, supposedly to suit the American palate but really it’s to make Americans too fat to fight in battle - while the ethnics somehow stay thin eating their food.
They’re fattening us up for the slaughter! And now they don’t even want us adopting their children, lest they grow up too fat to spy on us.
Or maybe China just wants to know that the Chinese who get to leave aren’t going to be eating any better than the ones who are starving in China.
Dangerously overweight film maker Michael Moore's latest movie attacks American health care by showing viewers a dangerously overweight film maker.
There is a national compaign underway in Mexico to fight obesity. According to the Mexican government, nearly half of Mexico's 110 million people are overweight. Officials are concerned that overweight Mexicans will have difficulty climbing US security fences.