Overnight Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    ABC's overnight news show, World News Now, has a recurring segment called
    "World News Then", where they air pieces of ABC News broadcasts as they
    covered various important events of the past. Last April 1st,
    they decided that instead of running a piece from a few decades ago, it
    would be more interesting to go back a few millennia. One of the stories
    they rebroadcast was the following report from 2400 BC:
    "Egypt's emerging papyrus technology continues to alarm parents and law
    enforcement. A new bill introduced today would let the government
    regulate material found on papyrus. Legislators said paperspace, as it
    is known to so-called 'writers', is becoming a haven for monotheists,
    con artists and worse hoping to prey on the young and gullible. A little
    bit later in this broadcast we will have some tips on how to shield your
    children from offensive and dangerous material found on the dangerous
    papyrus."

    An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of yourroom?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only threedoors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one hasa sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

    This was to be the new blonde flight attendant's first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the day's flight, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened.
    Crying, she answered the phone and said, "Help, I can't get out of the room!" "What do you mean, you can't get out of the room?" the Captain asked.
    "Well I can only find three doors," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

    Two hunters were forced by a storm to seek overnight shelter in a house occupied by only a homely farmer's widow. The storm passed and so did the hunting season. The following year when hunting season rolled around and the two met again, one asked, "Tell me, did you screw that old bag we stayed with last year?"
    "Yeah," admitted the other, "I'm afraid I did. Didn't look at her much, though."
    "And you used my name, didn't you?"
    "Yeah, I was so amashed I told her I was you," laughed the first hunter, "I didn't knock her up, did I?"
    "No, no," smiled the friend. "She died last month and left me the house and fifty-thousand dollars."

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