Oscars Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

    The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

    Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

    BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

    There are really only two possible more...

    Getting the jump on the Oscars this weekend are the "Irvings", awarded for excellence in Jewish movies this week in Miami Beach at the Rascal House. The Early Bird will be canceled that night.
    The following have been nominated:
    THE SIX CENTS - 3 Jews each put in their 2 cents worth.
    GOY STORY 2 - Jewish man divorces a shiksa, marries another.
    ISN'T SHE GEVALDIK - Yeshiva boys read Jacqueline Susann.
    SUPERNOVA - Space scientists discover powerful strains of lox.
    SNOW FALLING ON SEDERS - Unexpected storm disrupts Passover.
    ANGELA'S KASHAS - Woman reveals secret recipe.
    GIRLS, INTERRUPTED - Women's section of shul shushed during davening.
    STUART LADLE - Mouse makes chicken soup on Shabbos.
    THE SEDER HOUSE RULES - Zadie lays down the law on Pesach.
    THE TALMUDIC MR. RIPLEY - Believe it or not, he knows gemorah.

    Getting the jump on the Oscars this weekend are the "Irvings", awarded for excellence in Jewish movies this week in Miami Beach at the Rascal House. The Early Bird will be canceled that night.
    The following have been nominated:
    THE SIX CENTS - 3 Jews each put in their 2 cents worth.
    GOY STORY 2 - Jewish man divorces a shiksa, marries another.
    ISN'T SHE GEVALDIK - Yeshiva boys read Jacqueline Susann.
    SUPERNOVA - Space scientists discover powerful strains of lox.
    SNOW FALLING ON SEDERS - Unexpected storm disrupts Passover.
    ANGELA'S KASHAS - Woman reveals secret recipe.
    GIRLS, INTERRUPTED - Women's section of shul shushed during davening.
    STUART LADLE - Mouse makes chicken soup on Shabbos.
    THE SEDER HOUSE RULES - Zadie lays down the law on Pesach.
    THE TALMUDIC MR. RIPLEY - Believe it or not, he knows gemorah.

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