Oral Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is more...

Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:



1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"



2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"



3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"



4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"



5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"



6. "Did he kill you?"



7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"



8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"



9. more...

A son returns home from school and says to his mother " i had my french oral exam 2day"
The mother asks " so how did it go?"
The son replies " it sucked!!!"

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an alter boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the alter boy more...

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.

The Perfect Day According To:
HER
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30 Light breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
HIM
10:00 Wake up
10:02 Oral sex
10:10 Big Breakfast
11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
2:15 Enormous lunch
3:15 Oral sex
3:25 Play sports with the guys
4:30 Drink beer with the guys
6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 Oral sex
6:50 Huge dinner, more beer
11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex
11:10 Sleep