Oral Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Courtroom ding-dongs!

    Hot 1 year ago

    *** Real courtroom transcipts...courtesy of real idiots. ***
    ( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )
    Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
    A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region.
    Q. Are you married?
    A. No, I'm divorced.
    Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
    A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
    Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
    A. No.
    Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
    A. Picking them up in the air.
    Q. Where was the dog at this time?
    A. Attached to the ears.
    Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?
    What school do you go to?
    A. Oral.
    Q. How old are you?
    A. Oral.
    Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
    A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
    Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
    A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch- more...

    Woman in a Coma

    Hot 2 years ago

    There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees. When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately.
    The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.
    "I'm not sure, but I think she choked".

    Women Jokes

    Hot 5 months ago

    1. Why did God create woman?
    -To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
    _____
    2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
    -The swallow.
    _____
    3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
    -Call her.
    _____
    4. Why do women fake orgasms?
    -Because they think men care.
    _____
    5. What is the definition of "making love"
    -Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
    _____
    6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
    -Slow down and use a lubricant.
    _____
    7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
    - Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]HOLE weak.
    _____
    8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
    -None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
    _____
    9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B. S. E?
    -One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural more...

    *** Real courtroom transcipts...courtesy of real idiots. ***( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region.Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about.Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? A. No. Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? A. Picking them up in the air. Q. Where was the dog at this time? A. Attached to the ears.Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to? A. Oral. Q. How old are you? A. Oral.Q: Do you drink when you're on duty? A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant? A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch- and she did! Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.

    11. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
    12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
    13. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
    14. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
    15. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
    16. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, more...

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