Opportunity Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

A man phones home and tells his wife, "I have a chance to go fishing for a week.
It is the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So, if you could,
please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk
pyjamas. I will be home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
He responds, "Oh yes, great! The fishing was fantastic! You would not believe
the size of one that I caught. The only thing is that you forgot to pack my blue
silk pyjamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh no, I did not. I put them in your tackle box!"

(1) You are next. .
When I was younger I hated going to weddings.
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You are next".
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. [:))]
~~~~~~~~~
(2) Divorce Joke...
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully",
The divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour", the husband said.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself".
~~~~~~~~~
(3) Tarzan & dead Cheetah
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.
~~~~~~~~~
(4) Women in Heven
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON more...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
HELP WANTED Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, more...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least; however, the
dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped back more...

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:
Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.
A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He
looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth,
and walked into the manager'srs office, making it clear he
wished to apply for the job.
The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog
for this job."
The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity
employer."
So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it."
The dog went off to the word processor and returned a
minute later with the finished letter, perfectly
formatted.
The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a
computer program for it and run it."
Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct
answer.
The manager still wasn't convinced. "I more...

Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.