Ole Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las
    night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree
    would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
    Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
    was 2 scrawny pigeon.
    Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
    Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I’m tired of
    eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to
    Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog,
    Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
    rooster.
    Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez
    four, what you call “calling bird” wuz so noisy you could hear dem all
    da’ way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the
    rest of dem to the gators.
    Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent more...

    The night before Chreemas, on Thorsday I theenk,
    I go to cantina to geet me a dreenk.
    I dreenk saam tequila, I dreenk eet too fast,
    Preety damn queek, I fall on my ass.

    I peek myself up and go home to bed,
    I pool the cobija up ober my head.
    Early next morning, or late een the night,
    I heer such damn recket, I theenk eet's a fight.

    I geet outta bed, I don feel very well,
    My head ees too beeg, eet hort me like hell.
    I go to the weendow, I don believe what I see,
    A pot-bellied greengo, as plain as can be.

    I looook at heez ropa, ees all colored red,
    He got heem some chivos tied on to a sled.
    I yella and I holler, "Hey, move your fat ass,
    Your chivos--they chit on my grass!"

    He torn to heez goats, he say just one word,
    And them damn chivos chomp in the air like a bord.
    They corcle around, and then queek as a mouse,
    He land that damn sled on top of my more...

    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

    Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

    Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee. The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again, Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says, "There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the - " Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the more...

    Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the more...

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