Old-timer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Greatest Gunfighter

    Hot 3 months ago

    In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
    One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
    The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
    "Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
    The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
    "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
    "Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
    The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and more...

    The Handyman

    Hot 2 months ago

    A proud father brought home a swing set he had just purchased for his children and immediately began to assemble it while all the neighborhood children anxiously waited to play on it.
    After several hours of reading the assembly instructions and trying to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
    The old-timer came over, tossed the directions away, and had the set completely assembled in a short period of time.
    "It's beyond me," the father said, "how you managed to get it all put together without even reading the directions."
    "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

    Swing Set Assembly

    Hot 7 months ago

    A proud father brought home a swing set he had just purchased for his children and immediately began to assemble it, while all the neighborhood children anxiously waited to play on it.
    After several hours of reading the assembly instructions and trying to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
    The old-timer came over, tossed the directions away, and had the set completely assembled in a short period of time.
    "It's beyond me," the father said, "how you managed to get it all put together without even reading the directions."
    "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

    A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
    Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
    The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
    The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.
    You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
    I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
    The new man asked, "What happened?"
    "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

    A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

  • Recent Activity